Keep Your Kids Safe
Cyber bullying part 1: A threat to our youth, or kids being kids?
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**This article marks the first in a weekly series, focusing on ‘Cyber-Bullying’. We will attempt to cover causes, effects, management of the situation and other related topics. We will also be using South African case studies and examples, in order to reveal the scope of the problem within a local context. **
The first article focuses on the actual ACT, and the victims, the children at the receiving end of the harassment and abuse.
******************************************************************
Cyber Bullying: a definition as per Wikipedia: Cyber-bullying is the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.
It is important to note that many definitions of cyber-bullying maintain that ONLY a minor can be harassed by another minor for the act to be classified as cyber-bullying.
INTRODUCTION:
Back in the day a bully would wait for you outside the school gates and steal your lunch, pull your hair and push you down so that you landed on your butt in front of a laughing audience of 50. He/she would possibly swear at you a little and call you a few “terrible” things, like fat, ugly, stupid and then move on. The teachers would usually get involved as would the parents, and in most instances the bullies got some ‘payback’. The trauma suffered by victims ‘back in the day’ was (sadly) downplayed, and did not receive the attention it deserved. Not much has changed in this regard, BUT the acts of bullying in a world that functions on technology today, have the ability to obliterate a young person’s psyche, resulting in suicide, depression and self-harm amongst other tragic consequences. The truth of the matter is, not only do kids today have to deal with the more traditional styles of bullying that we as kids had to cope with, but they have the added threat of dealing with ‘traditional bullying gone viral – cyber-bullying’.
BULLYING IN 2011 – BULLYING GONE VIRAL: CYBER-BULLYING:
What acts would be classified as cyber-bullying, and how far would a cyber-bully go to humiliate his/her victim? A few examples:
1. A school changing room: a group of teenage girls/boys are changing after sport. The bully whips out a cell phone and takes a few pictures of the victim half clothed, semi-clothed etc. Within 5 minutes, the photo has been forwarded to 30 other kids and has been uploaded on a variety of social networking sites.
2. A video of a teenager in a compromising position is passed around from phone to phone and PC to PC with the click of a button.
3. A video is uploaded onto sites such as YouTube, showing a group of high school (or primary school) pupils cheering a bully on as he kicks, beats and punches a hapless victim, half his size.
4. Initiation practices at various institutions are filmed, photographed and distributed via social networking sites.
5. Unflattering photos of victims are posted on the bully’s various online profiles/walls/message boards – e.g. Face Book. The bully will invite all his/her friends to make unflattering comments.
6. The victim is ‘trapped’ into making certain statements about other people in front of the bully. The bully records these statements and distributes the recording.
7. A teenage girl who happens to be ‘dating’ someone the female school bully likes, will suddenly find threatening posts on her Face Book wall. This quickly turns into MOB bullying, where friends of the bully join the ‘attack’, and the messages and comments become brutal as a typical ‘mob mentality’ takes over.
8. Certain websites will be used to post the most vicious abuse. **There was a recent saga involving a website, that was possibly the most publicised case of cyber-bullying in a South African context and an additional paragraph providing a background follows directly after these examples.**
9. Bullies often revert to instant messaging (sms, BB messenger etc) to harass, threaten and ‘attack’ their victims.
10. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend will resort to humiliating the victim ‘online’.
There are numerous other examples both on the record, and off the record, yet regardless of the modus operandi; the after effects and trauma remains the same. One does not need to be a mental health professional to work out what the damage to a child’s/teenagers emotional, mental and physical wellbeing will be.
*** The “website” saga: ***: The site appeared out of nowhere, and quickly became the No 1 site in SA for cyber-bullying, abuse and blatant crimen injuria amongst the youth. After numerous complaints from NGO’s and government representatives, the Film and Publication Board managed to trace the site’s server to Russia, and the site was eventually disabled. This site was a social networking site like no other. It comprised of a series of chatrooms and message boards that were location specific: e.g. suburbs, schools, areas. Cyber-Bullies simply had to select the area/school relevant, and then post whatever “un” moderated message they liked. These messages ranged from bullies posting their victim’s names, addresses and phone numbers on the web, to messages making false allegations about victims: e.g. Jenny B from Bellville is HIV positive. Jenny from Waterkloof will sleep with anyone for R100-00. For a good time call Jenny B on the following number ***********. James B is gay. James B took his sister to the school dance. James B is really fat – see photo – and he stinks after PT (and these examples are tame compared to what was actually posted)
Public record will show that a few of the victim’s in this cyber-bullying saga committed suicide due to the extremity of the abuse. Many others were left having to transfer schools, receive counselling and start over in a new suburb.
There was very little reparation for victims, and the reality is that a site such as this one will pop up again.
Parents: How do you know your child is a victim?
** Note: Very rarely will a child come straight out and report to a parent/teacher/adult that he/she is the victim of an orchestrated cyber-bullying campaign. In many instances, parents are the last to know – by which stage irreparable damage has already been inflicted. It is VITAL that your relationship with your child is NOT only one in which you are seen as a ‘parent’, but one in which you are also seen as a ‘confidant’.
1. As has been mentioned in previous articles on this site, it is vital to keep in ‘touch’ with your child and what he/she is doing. Communication is everything.
2. Make sure that you keep yourself well informed of the various social networking sites currently popular – visit these sites every now and again so that you are aware as to WHAT type of networking takes place on each specific site. If you don’t know what sites your child visits – casually ask him/her or alternatively his/her friends to show you the “latest” chat sites.
3. Any changes in your child’s behaviour, leading to obvious signs of depression and anxiety should be noted. If you child suddenly stops attending social activities with his/her peers, ask what the problem is.
4. If your child breaks contact or avoids contact with all his/her friends, ask questions.
5. If your child’s friends stop coming over for visits, stop phoning etc – chances are your child is being alienated for a reason – find out what it is.
6. If your daughter suddenly starts starving herself and weighing herself every evening – ask her why she is suddenly unhappy with her body – something might have been said.
7. If your son suddenly starts doing 500 push-ups at night – ask him why he is trying to ‘bulk up.’
8. Make sure you have a GOOD and open relationship, not only with your child, but with his/her friends as well. This will enable you to approach them, should you have any concerns about your child. Remember: Spying on your kids and interfering with their friends is NOT the intention! The fact is: your child’s friends will be the 1st to know if your child is being targeted, unless the friends are the ones DOING the targeting (which is often the case). Having a ‘good’ relationship with these friends DOES allow you insight you would not have had otherwise.
9. When a child is being bullied/taunted or abused online, chances are it is being carried out by someone your child knows, someone from your child’s social circle/ a fellow pupil etc. This is why any changes in your child’s ‘social’ behaviour should be questioned. Bullied children start to withdraw, and this withdrawal is not usually a subtle withdrawal, but a sudden and knee-jerk withdrawal. Chances are your child WILL NOT want to tell you about the bullying, as he/she will be ashamed, hurt and terrified of repercussions should you (as a parent) want to take further action.
10. An effective way of monitoring your child’s ‘status’ online is by making sure that your child has an aunt/uncle/adult person they really ‘like’ and ‘respect’ as a friend on sites such as Face Book, BB Messenger etc. Every child needs a “cool” adult in their lives. This “cool” adult will usually be deemed cool enough and acceptable enough to be considered a “friend” – which will result in the child happily adding this adult to his/her Face Book friends. This indirectly allows this adult to monitor your child’s online profiles – and pick up on any changes in your child’s mood and behaviour. If your child is the victim of cyber-bullying, his/her Face Book profile, BB status messages WILL give some indication of this.
Once you have confirmed that your child is a victim of cyber-bullying, your responsibility as a parent is to start managing the situation effectively.
In our 2nd article on Cyber bullying we will take an in-depth look at combating cyber-bullying, whilst protecting your child from the wrath of the bully.
The first article focuses on the actual ACT, and the victims, the children at the receiving end of the harassment and abuse.
******************************************************************
Cyber Bullying: a definition as per Wikipedia: Cyber-bullying is the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.
It is important to note that many definitions of cyber-bullying maintain that ONLY a minor can be harassed by another minor for the act to be classified as cyber-bullying.
INTRODUCTION:
Back in the day a bully would wait for you outside the school gates and steal your lunch, pull your hair and push you down so that you landed on your butt in front of a laughing audience of 50. He/she would possibly swear at you a little and call you a few “terrible” things, like fat, ugly, stupid and then move on. The teachers would usually get involved as would the parents, and in most instances the bullies got some ‘payback’. The trauma suffered by victims ‘back in the day’ was (sadly) downplayed, and did not receive the attention it deserved. Not much has changed in this regard, BUT the acts of bullying in a world that functions on technology today, have the ability to obliterate a young person’s psyche, resulting in suicide, depression and self-harm amongst other tragic consequences. The truth of the matter is, not only do kids today have to deal with the more traditional styles of bullying that we as kids had to cope with, but they have the added threat of dealing with ‘traditional bullying gone viral – cyber-bullying’.
BULLYING IN 2011 – BULLYING GONE VIRAL: CYBER-BULLYING:
What acts would be classified as cyber-bullying, and how far would a cyber-bully go to humiliate his/her victim? A few examples:
1. A school changing room: a group of teenage girls/boys are changing after sport. The bully whips out a cell phone and takes a few pictures of the victim half clothed, semi-clothed etc. Within 5 minutes, the photo has been forwarded to 30 other kids and has been uploaded on a variety of social networking sites.
2. A video of a teenager in a compromising position is passed around from phone to phone and PC to PC with the click of a button.
3. A video is uploaded onto sites such as YouTube, showing a group of high school (or primary school) pupils cheering a bully on as he kicks, beats and punches a hapless victim, half his size.
4. Initiation practices at various institutions are filmed, photographed and distributed via social networking sites.
5. Unflattering photos of victims are posted on the bully’s various online profiles/walls/message boards – e.g. Face Book. The bully will invite all his/her friends to make unflattering comments.
6. The victim is ‘trapped’ into making certain statements about other people in front of the bully. The bully records these statements and distributes the recording.
7. A teenage girl who happens to be ‘dating’ someone the female school bully likes, will suddenly find threatening posts on her Face Book wall. This quickly turns into MOB bullying, where friends of the bully join the ‘attack’, and the messages and comments become brutal as a typical ‘mob mentality’ takes over.
8. Certain websites will be used to post the most vicious abuse. **There was a recent saga involving a website, that was possibly the most publicised case of cyber-bullying in a South African context and an additional paragraph providing a background follows directly after these examples.**
9. Bullies often revert to instant messaging (sms, BB messenger etc) to harass, threaten and ‘attack’ their victims.
10. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend will resort to humiliating the victim ‘online’.
There are numerous other examples both on the record, and off the record, yet regardless of the modus operandi; the after effects and trauma remains the same. One does not need to be a mental health professional to work out what the damage to a child’s/teenagers emotional, mental and physical wellbeing will be.
*** The “website” saga: ***: The site appeared out of nowhere, and quickly became the No 1 site in SA for cyber-bullying, abuse and blatant crimen injuria amongst the youth. After numerous complaints from NGO’s and government representatives, the Film and Publication Board managed to trace the site’s server to Russia, and the site was eventually disabled. This site was a social networking site like no other. It comprised of a series of chatrooms and message boards that were location specific: e.g. suburbs, schools, areas. Cyber-Bullies simply had to select the area/school relevant, and then post whatever “un” moderated message they liked. These messages ranged from bullies posting their victim’s names, addresses and phone numbers on the web, to messages making false allegations about victims: e.g. Jenny B from Bellville is HIV positive. Jenny from Waterkloof will sleep with anyone for R100-00. For a good time call Jenny B on the following number ***********. James B is gay. James B took his sister to the school dance. James B is really fat – see photo – and he stinks after PT (and these examples are tame compared to what was actually posted)
Public record will show that a few of the victim’s in this cyber-bullying saga committed suicide due to the extremity of the abuse. Many others were left having to transfer schools, receive counselling and start over in a new suburb.
There was very little reparation for victims, and the reality is that a site such as this one will pop up again.
Parents: How do you know your child is a victim?
** Note: Very rarely will a child come straight out and report to a parent/teacher/adult that he/she is the victim of an orchestrated cyber-bullying campaign. In many instances, parents are the last to know – by which stage irreparable damage has already been inflicted. It is VITAL that your relationship with your child is NOT only one in which you are seen as a ‘parent’, but one in which you are also seen as a ‘confidant’.
1. As has been mentioned in previous articles on this site, it is vital to keep in ‘touch’ with your child and what he/she is doing. Communication is everything.
2. Make sure that you keep yourself well informed of the various social networking sites currently popular – visit these sites every now and again so that you are aware as to WHAT type of networking takes place on each specific site. If you don’t know what sites your child visits – casually ask him/her or alternatively his/her friends to show you the “latest” chat sites.
3. Any changes in your child’s behaviour, leading to obvious signs of depression and anxiety should be noted. If you child suddenly stops attending social activities with his/her peers, ask what the problem is.
4. If your child breaks contact or avoids contact with all his/her friends, ask questions.
5. If your child’s friends stop coming over for visits, stop phoning etc – chances are your child is being alienated for a reason – find out what it is.
6. If your daughter suddenly starts starving herself and weighing herself every evening – ask her why she is suddenly unhappy with her body – something might have been said.
7. If your son suddenly starts doing 500 push-ups at night – ask him why he is trying to ‘bulk up.’
8. Make sure you have a GOOD and open relationship, not only with your child, but with his/her friends as well. This will enable you to approach them, should you have any concerns about your child. Remember: Spying on your kids and interfering with their friends is NOT the intention! The fact is: your child’s friends will be the 1st to know if your child is being targeted, unless the friends are the ones DOING the targeting (which is often the case). Having a ‘good’ relationship with these friends DOES allow you insight you would not have had otherwise.
9. When a child is being bullied/taunted or abused online, chances are it is being carried out by someone your child knows, someone from your child’s social circle/ a fellow pupil etc. This is why any changes in your child’s ‘social’ behaviour should be questioned. Bullied children start to withdraw, and this withdrawal is not usually a subtle withdrawal, but a sudden and knee-jerk withdrawal. Chances are your child WILL NOT want to tell you about the bullying, as he/she will be ashamed, hurt and terrified of repercussions should you (as a parent) want to take further action.
10. An effective way of monitoring your child’s ‘status’ online is by making sure that your child has an aunt/uncle/adult person they really ‘like’ and ‘respect’ as a friend on sites such as Face Book, BB Messenger etc. Every child needs a “cool” adult in their lives. This “cool” adult will usually be deemed cool enough and acceptable enough to be considered a “friend” – which will result in the child happily adding this adult to his/her Face Book friends. This indirectly allows this adult to monitor your child’s online profiles – and pick up on any changes in your child’s mood and behaviour. If your child is the victim of cyber-bullying, his/her Face Book profile, BB status messages WILL give some indication of this.
Once you have confirmed that your child is a victim of cyber-bullying, your responsibility as a parent is to start managing the situation effectively.
In our 2nd article on Cyber bullying we will take an in-depth look at combating cyber-bullying, whilst protecting your child from the wrath of the bully.